Communication is complex, fluid and self-impacted fantasy on both the side of the sender and the receiver.
There is also the observer, who projects and influences the interaction.
What we think is a current happening is filtered by our defense mechanisms, so that in effect, we are on a 1/36 second time delay…similar to what is done with Radio Talk Shows to ensure that inappropriate call in comments are not clipped before broadcast.
This makes sense, otherwise, information that is too painful, threatening, emotionally harmful or psychologically damaging would reach our conscious awareness.
However, when two people are “in rapport,” micro pictures have shown that sub vocalizations between two people are concurrent. That is, there is no time lag in the communication. The person (in rapport) hearing the message is sub vocalizing the message as it is stated.
There is also a tendency to fill in information so that it makes sense to us. This magic process is called “Transderivational Search” by proponents of NeuroLinguistic Programming (NLP).
An example, I believe originally described by Richard Bandler, is the tendency for us to hear whispering across the room, and believe that we hear that those folks are talking about us.
There is also the tendency to fill in missing information, generally incorrectly (because we project our own ideas and experiences into the communication), and we fill in gaps.
Here is my simplified (and slightly expanded) version of the MultiModal Behavioral Counseling Model.
- Behavior – What we do, what actually happens
- Affect – The feelings and emotions associate with the activity, event or situation
- Sensations – The bodily
- Imagery – Our mental pictures
- Cognition – Our thoughts
- Interpersonal Communicatio n- What others say and what signals we receive from others
- Functioning (Body functioning, sleep, dreams, addictions, compulsions
- Self-Talk – What we say to ourselves about this situation
- Spiritual Search – Our ideals, self-esteem, individuality, personal identity
If you use this list, the B.A.S.I.C. I.F.S.S. as a checklist, you will discover (at least) two insights:
- You were probably incorrect in your initial assumptions about what the other person experienced when they described the initial fragment for you. (Of course, it was their experience, not your experience, but you projected your experience into your assumptions
- The person probably cannot relate each item of the complete list to you. There will be holes, missing components. These are easy to detect. Look for something like…you ask how they feel, and they tell you what they think…or, you ask for a mental picture and they tell you their feelings, etc.
This simple exercise will reveal a lot about personal communication patterns. Those empty (they can’t or don’t answer with the related modality) are generally the areas of thought that people use when under stress. Under stress, we revert to our least favored, least strong processing mode.
Ways of Knowing
Experience and knowing are influenced by language, and to a huge extent, our language determines the functional organization of our brains.
Infants and toddlers that acquire language from very different language structures grow to have their brains organized in different ways.
However, information is acquired with conscious awareness doing “task switching” i.e., one item in awareness at a time. And, the span of consciousness that we can maintain is called the “Magic Number.”
What this means is that when we learn new things, we can keep maybe three components in awareness at one time. When we are comfortable with the learning, five components, and when we master the component, seven. Once we over learn, we can hold up to nine components in awareness.
Of course we can do much more thinking and interacting than this simple task switching model indicates.
But, this is because our multiple minds “chunk” components; and move components into the automatic and unconscious areas of awareness.
As far as communication is concerned, this chunking operation in the automatic and unconscious arenas is responsible for some of the assumptions and “filling in of the spaces that are empty of information with our own “creative interpretations.”
Other ways of Knowing
There are ways of knowing that associate with our mental faculties. These also relate to our “Higher-Order Thinking” and our “Multiple Intelligences.” These include:
- Knowledge
- Comprehension
- Application
- Analysis
- Synthesis
- Evaluation
- Linguistic
- Logical-Mathematical
- Spatial
- Bodily-Kinesthetic
- Musical
- Interpersonal
- Intrapersonal
- Naturalistic
And the kinds of knowing include:
- Intellectual, Conscious
- Intuitive
- Unconscious, Perceptions outside of awareness
- Sensory
- Meta-Sensory, Senses operating outside the physical five
- Extra-Sensory, Senses perceiving through the senses of others
- Higher-Conscious, the “Observer” beyond ourselves, perceiving
- Collective Unconscious – Racial and species memory
- Encoded and Instinctual Knowing
Some of these methods of knowing occur outside the realm of language, and we therefore, learn to interpret our perceptions in these communications.
Another Example: The Preacher’s Mind Goes Blank During a Sermon
There comes a time when, during a sermon, a preacher’s mind goes blank.
What to do?
Answer: Let words come out of your mouth.
Effect: Parishioners, trusting in the authority figure of the preacher, believe that the message has special meaning.
Response after the sermon:
- “That sermon was really deep”
- “I felt like you were speaking directly to me”
- “That was the most helpful advice I’ve received in a long time”
To be continued…
